summary How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes
Learn the unspoken rules of communication so you can connect with anyone right away, from small talk to profound relationships.
There are 92 key techniques in the book. Here are the top 10:
1. The Flooding Smile
Do: Stop for a moment, then smile slowly with your whole face (shows real warmth)
Avoid “polite” smiles that happen right away (feels robotic)
2. Eyes that stick
Hold eye contact for 2 to 3 seconds longer than usual. This will make you feel closer without being creepy.
3. The Big-Baby Turn
When you meet someone, turn your whole body toward them. This tells them, “You matter.”
4. Hang by Your Teeth
Think of a string pulling your posture up (confidence spreads).
5. The Magic of the Words “You” and “Because” “How did you do that?” (People love to talk about themselves.)
“Can I borrow this?” Because I have to… (because of higher compliance)
6. The Broken Record
Say their important words back.
Them: “I love hiking in Colorado.”
You: “Colorado? What trail do you like best?
7. The Good Version of Gossip Trick
“I heard you’re really good at [skill]. How did you learn?” (quick boost to your ego)
8. Copying
To keep them talking, say their last one to three words back to them with an upward tone:
Them: “I just got back from Bali.”
You: “From Bali?”
9. The Trick to Never-Feeling-Ignored
When you’re with a group, pay attention to the quiet people and ask them, “What do you think about this, [Name]?”
10. The Spotlight That Swivels
Politely turn down compliments:
Them: “Great talk!”
You: “Thanks! The team’s research made it stand out.
Body Language Hacks: A firm but not crushing handshake (web-to-web); a quick raise of the eyebrows when you greet someone (a universal “I’m friendly” signal); The Slow Nod: Tells people to keep talking
When to Use These: Networking Events
First dates
Interviews for jobs
Family get-togethers that are uncomfortable
Why It Works
Lowndes doesn’t give cheesy advice like “just be yourself.” Instead, he uses psychological research and real-world social dynamics.
Great for:
Introverts who want to make friends more easily
People who need to make connections
Anyone sick of long, awkward pauses
Try This Tonight:
In one conversation, use “The Broken Record.” Look at how people light up when you say what they said!